I've just spent the last three hours trying to figure out my life. I know, it's lame, especially when spending it on a Saturday night when I could be out with Chris but I don't think I want to be. This week Chris has not only been the person I have loved the most, yet hated the most. I don't know which is stronger but emotions have tolled and I just feel wrong. I think he's started drinking, but not just the av occasional swig, I got into his car and he almost swerved into a tree with a bunch of VB 6packs in the backseat. Once we stopped he held my hand, grabbed my face and told me he couldn't kiss me because he had poisoned me. Then he got out of the car and looked over the edge and told me when I died he'd jump over that spot. He's been saying awful things lately and it's just not good enough for me. So the next day when he was sober and hungover, I told him I'd like to be just left alone. He then started going he didn't want to, he wanted to be near me, but I can't do it anymore. I can't worry about him. I know I've affected him, I see it in his drinking and his attitude towards others, he pushes so much he's getting to the stage where I'm going to have to be the one to look after him. I don't want to be responsible for anymore accidents, so I asked him to just break. I left to Graws, but of course he's figured out that hiding spot too, and I just want everybody to leave me alone. My parents are stalking me, my brothers are being bitches and Kyle cries every time she looks at me. You'd think in the state of our family we'd be broken, yet we're not. I wish we were, I want to seperate myself. I don't want to waste anybody's time or money, I want to just be alone and by myself. But nobody will let me. I thought I was going well, 16 and my parents were starting to let me go out even later on weekends (midnight) and then this had to happen. If I ever reach 30, which I hope I won't, I'll still be living at home being fed apple sauce in a tin.